


Questions

by belle_ny



Category: Walking Dead, Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-02
Updated: 2013-06-02
Packaged: 2017-12-13 17:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/826776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belle_ny/pseuds/belle_ny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One Shot. Set after season 3 finale.<br/>As time passes Rick realizes that what Beth feels for him goes way beyond respect for the leader of the group and affection for a friend. But what really shock’s him is that his own feelings for her are not what they used to be…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Questions

It all started very innocently – gentle touches of hands, hugs and lingering looks that were probably a bit too long to be platonic. Rick didn’t give it much thought since he had other things like basic survival of the group, including her, to think about not mentioning Lori’s death and his son becoming more cold-hearted with every day. And Gods, he was tired, so tired! Tired to be the one to fix everything and, at the same time, the one to blame for everything including not being perfect or at least a psychic.

And then there was Beth. Moving inside these grey prison walls with a soft smile and comforting words, brightening the place as if she had her own little sun hidden somewhere behind those big blue eyes.

Rick never gave her the second look or the first one for that matter even after Lori’s death, the reason being the world around them going to shit for one thing and then there was the delicate matter of her age. He always thought of her as one of Hershel’s girls, not singling Beth out from the background. Maybe that’s why he felt so at ease with her during those rare quiet moments when he watched her feed or change Judith. He couldn’t help but think that Beth not only would be a good mother one day, she already was a good mother and both his daughter and he were lucky to have her. Beth looked so natural and beautiful that Rick couldn’t help but stare at her with a mesmerized smile on his face. She would dare a quick look back at him and smile shyly with pink blush immediately rising in her cheeks. And all of sudden she would become very cautious about her actions and movements or even drop something that would cause her to blush deeper.

Rick thought it was sweet and even charming. Beth reminded Rick of himself at her age, so again he didn’t regard her growing awkwardness around him as anything more than shyness and going through puberty.

Then things changed. They were running out of supplies so it was the time for another run to the nearest town. He took Glenn and Maggie along leaving Daryl in charge. He still didn’t fully trust people from Woodberry even though they did everything to fit in and show their loyalty and gratitude to Rick’s group. Rick knew that need be Daryl could successfully step in and take care about everyone should they not return which was the reality they lived with every day now.

They did return, but only the next day instead of the evening leaving everyone worried sick and sleepless for the whole night. The three of them got locked in the store by walkers and had to lay low and wait them out not having enough EMO or the willingness to risk losing more lives.

They managed to get safely back home and bring everything the group needed. And while others were praising God and smiling with relief when Rick, Glenn and Maggie got out of the car Beth rushed toward them. She didn’t run to hug her beloved sister, she stopped in front of Rick and threw her arms around his neck.

He was completely taken aback and it was only when Rick heard or rather felt Beth heartfelt sigh of relief and longing while she pressed her body to his that he realized things were a lot more serious. He looked up at Hershel standing not far from them and the expression on his face told Rick that he knew it too.

Rick didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t even return Beth’s hug, which he probably should have done as her falling shoulders caused a sting in his chest. And yet, he felt guilty under her father’s scrutiny. He didn’t know why. Was it that he became the reason of the feelings Beth shouldn’t have been experiencing because of the man twice her age? Or was it his own feelings he couldn’t quite identify as affection or attraction yet, but he knew it was there since he enjoyed Beth’s closeness a little too much?

After that everything got tangled and complicated. The comfort Rick felt being alone with Beth before gave place to tension and watching his every move or look he gave her and visa versa.

And walker watch shifts became his nightmare because they gave his mind too much free time to wonder and torture Rick with questions. What was it that he felt? Why he tried to avoid Beth now and at the same time his eyes would search the room for her whenever he came inside their cellblock? When did he start noticing her scent whenever she passed by him, accidentally brushing their hands or shoulders against each other (and he perfectly knew it was not accidentally at all…)? And was his touching her arms when Beth passed him the baby an accident? Her skin felt smooth and soft and he couldn’t help the sinful thought crawling into his head at night about what touching all of her body would feel like.

He knew this world changed people and turned them into something they might have never become otherwise. His ex-best friend who slept with his wife, wanted to steal his family when Rick came back from the dead and then tried to kill Rick was the perfect example.

Or maybe their new reality only exposed person’s true nature not allowing people to hide behind fake smiles and rules of common curtsey anymore? In this case Rick couldn’t just write whatever he felt off as the consequences of leaving in a mad world and going mad with it like it almost happened after Lori’s death. Then he would have to admit that this was his true self – a grown up man looking at a teenage girl with entirely inappropriate thoughts. He could at least cling to the fact that Beth was seventeen - they celebrated her birthday just about three months ago – which made her legal, not in all states but it still allowed Rick to avoid the word “pedophile” whenever he cursed himself.

But the main question that Rick needed to answer, before deciding on the verdict of whether he was a depraved bastard or not, was the nature of his feelings for Beth. Was it just the basic male urges and a long time since he had sex? Or was it Beth herself and the amazing lightness and warmth she made him feel whenever they were together? Or was it a sick subconscious wish to get back at Lori for sleeping with his best friend and prove himself a man by doing something even more outrageous?

He dismissed the later first. Rick didn’t hate or blame Lori for Shane. She thought he was dead. Even Rick thought he was dead, or would be before getting the chance to find her and Carl. Life moved on and Lori moved on with it. She might have done it a bit too quickly, but that was a completely different matter. Rick couldn’t quite forgive her no matter how much he tried, but he still loved her and remembered their life together before everything went to hell. She was the mother of his children and for that reason alone he couldn’t hate her. 

An accident helped him sort out the rest of the questions. Rick and Daryl just came inside their cellblock when they heard screaming. They rushed to the sound and saw the gate to adjoining cellblock opened and Beth trying to fight off two walkers. Daryl took out one and Rick shot the other. The girl was shaking squeezing a knife in her hand.

Daryl went to lock the gate while Rick came closer to Beth and took her by the forearms. She thought Rick was going to hug her, but his face was flat and his eyes glared.

“What the hell happened?” Rick asked while his eyes searched her body for bites and scratches. Relief washed over him when he saw none.

“I lulled Judith asleep and heard some noises coming from here. When I came closer I saw a walker right at the gate. It must’ve wandered its way here from the block we haven’t cleaned yet. I left the gun in my cell and thought I could kill it with a knife since there was just one, but I couldn’t get it through the gate and when I opened it there were two more walkers. Everything happened so fast I...”

“Do you realize you could’ve gotten yourself killed?” Rick raised his voice searching her eyes.

“I’m sorry, I thought there was just one and I could deal with it. I didn’t realize…”

“Didn’t realize what, you foolish girl?!”

His last words seemed to have physically hurt Beth. She twisted out of his grip and ran to her cell.

“Listen man, I know she put herself and everyone in danger, but she’s still a kid.” Daryl said feeling bad for the girl who he knew must’ve been crying now.

“That’s exactly the problem.” Rick muttered under breath as he went away to cool off. He didn’t even think about what Beth’s actions could cause for the rest of them. The idea of Beth dying or even worse - becoming one of the walking dead - turned Rick’s blood to ice.

For the rest of the day Beth avoided looking at him and if their ways crossed she would simply turned around and went in the other direction making Rick feel like an asshole for lashing out instead of comforting her when she needed it.

Morning came and after seeing during the breakfast that nothing changed, Rick realized he had to do something about it. As soon as his walker watch shift was over he went to look for Beth. It was a laundry day and he knew she would be in the backyard hanging clothes to dry. He saw her delicate figure in between the sheets waving in the breeze and swallowed, suddenly nervous.

“Beth, I…I’d like to talk to you.”

She said nothing and acted like he wasn’t there. With a sigh Rick went on: 

“Beth, would you please look at me?”

“Why? So you could yell at me some more?” She asked quietly. There was no sarcasm or bitterness in her voice, just hurt.

“No, I…”

“You wanna know why I did what I did?” She came closer to Rick searching his eyes. “I’m tired of everyone treating me like a fragile little thing. Maggie is a girl too, just a few years older and yet you take her for runs like others, but not me. I thought that if I killed those walkers you would finally see that I’m not a kid anymore.” She finished, her voice getting weaker at the last words.

Rick stared at her lost for words. With a shock he realized there was nothing he wanted more at that moment than to wrap his arms around Beth and press her tight against his chest.

“I know you’re not a kid.” He started cautiously. “I actually came here to apologize for being a jerk. I just…- ” Rick paused as his voice betrayed him, showing the emotions he wasn’t even supposed to be feeling. “ – I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you.”

Beth looked at him with a bewildered expression on her face. Of course she caught what Rick’s words implied and he hurried to fix his slip of a tongue.

“I mean, we’ve already lost too many lives and it would kill your father and Maggie.” He said feeling like a coward.

“And how would you feel if I died?” She asked and made a few steps closer invading his personal space.

 “I…uh.. ” He struggled trying to find the right, neutral words, but having difficulty to concentrate when Beth’s face was so close to his. It was a rare case when they were in such proximity. Suddenly Rick realized that they were alone, around the corner of the prison building, hidden from sight by hanging laundry.

“I would feel hurt and guilty since it is my responsibility as the leader to protect you and everyone else.” He said clearing his throat and stepped away.

Beth’s face fell. She thought she saw something in his eyes. Something that made Beth’s heart leap, but Rick closed off again turning into the indifferent leader of their group talking to just another one of his people. Or maybe there was nothing there at all and she just imagined what she wanted to see.

Beth didn’t say anything. She averted her eyes and turned to continue with the laundry.

Rick started walking away, but stopped midway. What the hell was he doing? Rick could’ve accused himself of a lot of things, but he was never a coward. Rick never ran from problems, especially not the ones he created himself. Besides, if he ever wanted to make the questions in his head stop haunting him there was only one way to do it. Just one.

Beth finished with her duties and bent down to pick up the basket she used to carry wet laundry when she saw a pair of black boots appearing in front of her. She stood up a bit alarmed, but sighed with relief when she saw who it was. Rick looked more tense than minutes ago and had an unreadable expression on his face, but he was definitely studying hers.  

Slowly, giving Beth plenty of opportunities to push him away or tell him to stop, Rick leaned closer. Beth didn’t seem scared or unwilling, her eyes went down to Rick’s mouth and she parted her lips. That was the green light Rick needed to finally press his lips to hers, feeling his heart pound. Beth might’ve been shy and timid, but her kiss was not. She responded to Rick's lips with passion and longing that matched his own, snaking her arms around his neck.

On an impulse, Rick traced her lip with his tongue and Beth readily opened up her mouth for him with a quiet approving half sigh half moan. Rick deepened the kiss wrapping his arms around Beth’s waist to press their bodies tighter. Beth was pliant and eager in his arms and Rick felt his self-control slipping away. He had to stop it before he completely lost his head.

They broke the kiss panting for breath, but none of them was quite ready to break the embrace just yet. Beth all but beamed at him. With all the questions that buzzed in his mind during the past weeks, Rick never thought about what to say to Beth after kissing her.

“Beth…” He breathed out, not really knowing how to proceed.

“Shh, please don’t say anything. Especially if you’re going to say you’re sorry. It was the most perfect kiss, the one I wanted for so long and I don’t want you to spoil it.”

Rick was touched and relieved at the same time. Beth sincerity was so sweet, he couldn’t help but smile fondly at her.

“I know everything is complicated and I’m not going to try and push you into anything.” She continued after a short pause. “Don’t think that you did something wrong or that now you owe me something because of this kiss. You don’t. I wanted it just as much.” She said with a meaningful look. “Now you know how I feel, the rest depends on you.” Beth finished, pressed another quick kiss to Rick’s lips and hurried away trying to hide a mile-wide smile on her face.   

For quite a while Rick was just standing there surrounded by clothes dancing in the wind, feeling positively giddy. With all the horrors of their post apocalyptic world he already forgot what it was like to feel the rush and pure undulated happiness after kissing the girl that got under his skin.

He had no doubts left. What he felt was about Beth and there was no other reason for his feelings than wanting to be with her. Rick couldn’t imagine himself being close to anyone except for Beth right now. In fact, Rick thought he lost the ability to connect emotionally, romantically all together after having so much blood on his hands and losing Lori. But there she was, his little blond wonder, making him feel alive again.

* * *

Days were passing by, filled with soft smiles and stolen touches. Rick saw the hope in Beth’s eyes and knew she was waiting, but he still couldn’t take the final step and cross the line. Beth was Hershel’s daughter before everything else, daughter of the man who brought his child back to life and saved all of them by giving his group food and shelter. How could he repay that by seducing his little Bethy?

“Rick, can I have a word with you?” Hershel asked after breakfast one day, and somehow the ex-sheriff knew exactly what it was about.

He gestured for Daryl and Glenn to go ahead and sat back to his place at the breakfast table.

“If this is about Beth I…” He started, not knowing for sure what he wanted to say.

“It’s about both of you.” Hershel interrupted him.

“I assure you there is nothing going on. I respect her and I respect you and …”

“Rick…” Hershel interrupted him again. “I have no doubts about your decency, but I am also not blind.” He paused giving Rick a meaningful look. “I don’t say this easily, but Maggie and Glenn showed me that I should trust my daughters and their judgment more. We both know how Beth feels about you and, judging by what I saw, you’re afraid to even think about feeling something for her. I understand all your concerns and have them too, but the world is not what it used to be and I know you enough to be certain that I got nothing to worry about. None of us knows which day is going to be our last and I want Beth to be happy and experience life now since she might not have the chance to get older.”

“Are you …giving me your blessing?” Rick asked in disbelief.

“I’m saying that if Beth’s age and my reaction to whatever might happen between you two are the reasons stopping you from responding to her feelings then it shouldn’t, as long as you treat my daughter right.”

Rick was all but dumbstruck, staring at Hershel with an open mouth. The old man let out a little laugh, patted him on the shoulder and slowly limped away leaving Rick deal with his thoughts.

* * *

Dinnertime came and after finishing his meal, Rick awkwardly shifted in his feet by the door before finally finding it in himself to speak.

“Um, Beth, can I talk to you for a minute outside?”

“Sure.” Beth said with a soft smile and followed him, blushing and trying to avoid meeting anybody’s eyes on her way out.

“About freaking time!” Maggie muttered under breath. “Can’t look at those two dancing around each other anymore.”

“You know something about this?” Glenn asked confused, gesturing at the door closing behind the two.

“Please, I’m her sister!” Maggie rolled her eyes and gave Hershel a meaningful look.

“And you both are okay with it?” Glenn asked, beginning to catch on.

“Well, I was weirded out at first, I’ll admit to that. But daddy and I talked and, uh, we all know Rick. He is a good man and won’t hurt her, so maybe relationship with an older guy is not the most terrible thing that can happen to my little sister these days. Especially if it makes her happy since all she’s known so far was losing people she loved and running for her life.”

While everyone in the room might have had different views and thoughts about the situation, this was the truth none of them could argue with.

And outside, under the moonlight and surrounded by night sounds, two people who met a long time ago felt like they were really getting to know each other only now, as they shared their not first and definitely not their last kiss. 


End file.
